Looking back on my life, now in probably my second half, I see many many miscommunications and missed communications I have been a part of. Some of my earliest memories involve how I felt when I wasn't able to communicate, or being misunderstood.
This post maybe works as my disclaimer. I need to work through things in my head. I am choosing to work through some things here on this semi-public form of communication. (So far, still a hidden gem even to the one who is working on his own things just the next seat over.) I'm not trying to hide, but I'm also not planning on doing any push posting or tweeting of this stuff.
If I tell a story of Li'l Shelly, it's not to point fingers, I'm only telling the parts I remember, and I realize there are many other perspectives than my own. I'm not sure how much to even trust some of the memories, they are very old.
Sometime after I turned 40, I realized that my 'normal' face, that is, my face when I am not specifically trying to smile or talk or anything, my 'normal' face is a little frowny. The corners naturally turn down somewhat. Our faces get older, things start sagging on our faces just like other places. So my kinda frowny face can look like I'm angry or sad when I'm not. I decided I didn't want to put that frowny face out to the world, if it doesn't represent the me on the inside. And I started making a conscious effort to smile more.
That might be a really stupid analogy, but I'm trying to say that I'm not too old to make things better around me and in me. And I'm not afraid to seek out those places that need upgrading.
And examining some of the stories in my head, some of the memories, some of the old feelings, I think will help me find the frowny places that I want to change. And I will report back on the changes.
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